K-1

 

Tomorrow’s the day.  The day will start with a brightly lit environment, warm blankets, an IV and something to “relax me.”  I will get to visit with the doc, the anesthesiologist, and some nurses.  The doc will sign my knee so he does the right one and then I’ll be wheeled into the OR.  The operating room is typically chilly, very bright, all white and stainless.  There will be a bustle of business as people prepare with hushed conversations and maybe even some laughter.  When it’s time, the anesthesiologist will tell me what’s happening and I will drift from awake to asleep, hovering only for a couple seconds in the twilight between.  That is my favorite part; being neither awake or asleep.  Just being. Very relaxed.  Being.  

I’ll likely remember waking up, time in recovery, getting a snack and then off to the car.  It will take some work to get settled in the house and then I will doze off and on all night.  Not much pain the first day as the nerve block won’t have worn off.  

I will predict that I won’t get an update off tomorrow night as my state of mind on oxy won’t support the creativity.  Or maybe it will improve it.  Thanks for reading.  -K

 

K-2

K = knee, -2 = days relative to surgery.  In case you didn’t get that.  It starts before the knife.  I could have started writing last March but here we are.  

Because this has been a “hurry up offense,” I had to get a couple things in order today.  On the way to pick up pre-surgery scrub soap, stopped at physical therapy to see if they had my order and to schedule some appointments.  I walked in and the receptionist immediately recognized me.  A flood of emotions washed over me.  It all came back; the work, the pain, the frustration, discouragement and slow pace of progress.  I remember being about 5 days post-surgery when I couldn’t get ahead of the pain; one of the most miserable days of my life.  I began to recall my mental state that went along with the first recovery.  It was no joke.  I realized today that I was in for months of suck once again.  But, here we are. 

While this might be tough for me as the patient, it is easy to overlook the impact on my care provider, my partner.  First, I’m not a great patient.  First responders can be difficult as we know what the care “should look like” and if our partner does it different, it causes us angst.  I am working hard to pay close attention to how I respond to the support I receive.  Second, they don’t like seeing us struggle or in pain.  This is also something I am watching so I can facilitate a break when she needs one.  

On the other side of the coin, or other knee, it’s feeling quite a bit better today.  I am looking forward to the PT being good for both.  This just might be the opportunity I need to get them both going in the right direction.  No more compensatory effects.  

Today, I feel better knowing what to expect.  And, because I know what to expect, I am not looking forward to this.  But, here we are. 

K-3

 

March 16, 2026 was the first one.  That was the day I had a total knee replacement on my left leg.  It was much anticipated as I was struggling with mobility, discomfort and doing the things I wanted to do.  I looked forward to surgery as it promised to be life changing, according to everyone I talked to that had a fresh knee.  Well, it was life changing but I couldn’t say for the better.  My recovery absolutely sucked and progress was slow.  

In early September, I recognized it wasn’t very likely that I would ever have what I had pre-surgery.  But, I acknowledged my aging, a “new normal” and moved on.  Over the next month and a half, I watched closely and recognized that the pain I was having wasn’t from my new left knee, but rather from the bad right one.  “Oh boy, now what do I do?” I thought.  Considering the sheer cost of the surgery and having met our “out of pocket max” for the year, it made sense financially just to get it done.  But, the emotional toll of the last surgery felt like a little more than I could take less than 8 months later.  

Last Wednesday, I went to see my doctor to get some advice.  Should I try to wait until medicare 20 months away?  Do I put it off because it’s not as bad as I make it out to be?  Should I adjust my activity, downgrade quality of life until it becomes more affordable?  Off to X-ray to get a better idea of what it looked like, to get more info for the doc.  The PAs first words were “there is nothing left in there” referring to the meniscus that separates the femur from the tibia.  She went on to say, “that looks really painful” validating some of what I was feeling.  The doc came in and had a look, saying, “it’s time.”  I felt relief to have someone else taking control, telling me what to do.  

We talked about scheduling as I wanted to take advantage of out of pocket being met for 2026 but here we are the end of October.  The scheduler said, “we have a slot next Wednesday.”  I wasn’t ready for that!  1 week to prepare.  “Ok, let’s do it!”  

Today is Sunday, 3 days prior to surgery.  This is where I am starting my journal, a couple days into the surgery.  I thought I would share my thoughts as I go into this.  I am not sure how long I will continue, but I feel like after the last one, I should share my experience so others have something to use if they are considering something similar.  

A few days ago, I started feeling a pretty severe pain under the knee cap of my good knee, the left.  It feels like I am. Kneeling on a pebble when I walk.  Over the 24 hours, with rest, it is improving but it definitely isn’t normal yet.  The effect of this is that it makes me question my decision to fix the right one.  But, I have to think long game, that in 10 months, both of them will be better than they are now.  Fingers crossed. 

Mentally, I feel pretty good.  Just going to take it one day at a time, one step (literally) at a time.  I’m going to try to stay positive, using my down time to work on some of my Redline stuff, to do some creative stuff and do some reading.

This writing is for me.  For my brain.  But if it does something for you, or someone you know, all the better.  Feel free to share or if you know someone that has questions, feel free to have them reach out directly.  -K